My Plus One

When I wake up
in mental haze
I’m glad
You’re my +1

When I hold your hand
fingers intertwined
I smile
You’re my +1

When life gets rough
and I hear your voice
I’m comforted
You’re my +1

Sitting on the deck
talk and cigarettes
I laugh
You’re my +1

Captive of your eyes
engulfed in your smile
I’m lost
You’re my +1

Lying back in bed
with you once again
It’s bliss
You’re my +1




Last weekend I spent with Waco, getting the plants and furniture redone for her deck. It was fun and exhausting for both of us. (Yes, that’s really a picture of her deck at the back of Suess House.)

Two weeks ago she had convinced me eventually getting married was a good plan for both of us, whether to each other or not. This past weekend we talked about what we would want in a marriage and how that would even work.

Today, while Waco is in Texas for her daughter’s wedding, I’m thinking through it more.

I’ve seen a bunch of different “types” or marriage. I’m sure you have too. Cold marriages. Sexy marriages. Friendship marriages. Corporate merger marriages. Dependent marriages. Convenient marriages. There are so many kinds.

I want partnership.

Partnership means many things. Mutual respect. Intellectual, spiritual, emotional and physical intimacy. Trust. Shared goals. Willingly giving yourselves to each other even when it is hard.

Not having a plan B.

I’ve never had partnership before. I’m not even sure what it will look like, feel like.

But one step at a time, I plan to get there.

The Magic


“What do you want?” she asked him.

“I want this.” he replied, saying nothing.

“What do you want?” she asked again, this time more pleading.

“I want you.” was his frustrating reply.

But now, since The Terrible, he knew.

He wanted The Magic.

The magic of seeing her smile, her eyes.

The magic of imagining her in Texas, in California, in Vegas, in Michigan.

The magic of missing her, knowing when he saw her again, the magic would be stronger.

The magic of the first kiss of the weekend, and the last.

The magic of movies and Dateline and Rain.

The magic of the talking, the laughter, the inappropriate jokes.

The magic of drinking coffee together on the deck.

The magic of a vacation together.

The magic of sharing even the little fears.

The magic of reassurance.

The magic of her warmth next to him.

The magic of her bed, her body.

The magic of truly seeing her and being truly seen.

She had been smarter than him, and more cautious, but the magic was undeniable to either of them.

He knew she wanted The Magic too.


Holding HandsOn the deck.

Sunshine. Smoking. Drinking beer.

Dressed like white trash for Juan and Juanita’s judging.

Laughing, smiling, talking, the world stops.

Enjoying losing myself with you.