Resurrection 73

This is a chapter of the book I am writing for NaNoWriMo. If you want to read it from the start, click here for the chapter index.

The Byrd Rule

The Byrd Rule is a senate rule allowing senators to block bills that would significantly increase the US budget deficit for a period longer than 10 years. In practice this means any legislation the GAO projects will have a negative impact on the deficit for longer than 10 years is going to get blocked by the senate.

George Bush was elected President in 2000 based, at least in part, on his promise to ease the tax burden on middle-class Americans. In 2001 he signed the first of two bills aimed to deliver on that promise and colloquially known as the “Bush Tax Cuts.” Due to the Byrd rule, these tax cuts expired in early 2010.

In response to public demand, Barack Obama reinstituted the cuts, with minor changes, at the end of 2010 with his “Tax Relief, Unemployment Insurance Reauthorization, and Job Creation Act,” extending them for an additional two years, then made a compromise bill permanent in 2012 with the “American Taxpayer Relief Act.”

Buried in the 1,500 legalise of the Bush cuts were changes to the inheritance tax provisions. These changes expired at the beginning of 2010 and were modified and reinstated again starting January 1, 2011 under Obama.

That left 2010 a particularly unique year where the inheritance tax no longer existed.

Jon Langston was a practical man. While inwardly grieving and unsure of himself contemplating his father’s rapidly approaching death, he still was conscious of the financial consequences. He met with his estate planner, Jeff Albertson, who was graduate of Harvard Law as well as a CPA, to find out how the estate would move forward after Dick’s death.

“Well, while none of us want to see Mr. Langston pass, if any person of means could choose the year of their death, this would be it” the Albertson said.

It was October 15 and Langston was pretty sure his father could not live out the year. He wasn’t sure he could live out the month. But Dick Langston was not to be underestimated. Jon had seen others do that many times before. He had a tenacity allowing him to often beat the odds. Jon mentally noted he might have to call Mr. Black into duty come December, if it came to it.

During their meeting, Langston felt the vibration of the second phone in his pocket. He didn’t bother to check who was calling.

“I need to take this,” he said to Albertson. “Give me the room.”

It was a command, not a request and Albertson felt a bristle of anger shoot through him. He showed no visible emotion as he rose from his desk and exited his office.

“Mr. Black,” Langston answered, trying to sound calm and authoritative. He was anxious. Tab Carter scared him, possibly more than the predicament he currently found himself in with the preacher.

“You need to get Reeves out on bail. Arraignment is this afternoon, Roy White is his attorney.”

Langston started, “Now just a minute….” but Black had already disconnected.

Langston gave himself a second to catch his breath and get his emotions under control. He returned his burner to his pocket, noticing the slight tremble in his hand. He exited the office and through the lobby, not sharing a glance or a word as he passed Albertson.

He climbed in his black Mercedes and pulled out his “legal” phone, telling Siri to call Jack Thorton’s private number.

“Mr. Langston, what can I do for you today?” Thornton had a measured, pleasant tone.

“Tell me how I can get Reeves out on bail today without anyone knowing it’s me.”

“Certainly, Jon. I already looked at the docket. He should be arraigned this afternoon on the charge of murdering a deputy. The bail could be up to $2 million, maybe more.”

“Shit.” That was a lot of money. Langston felt his was already spending far too much on this debacle and this was many times what he was willing to part with. He also didn’t have $2 million laying around he could just access unnoticed.

“Of course,” added Thornton, “if Reeves never made it to trial, any money you put up for bail would be returned to you by the court.”

Langston was processing how he could access that kind of money. He had about $250,000.00 in his secret “rainy day” fund, syphoned off slowly over the years. He was pretty sure Dick didn’t even know about it.

“I’m not sure I can come up with $2 million on short notice without drawing unwanted attention. Attention neither of us wants,” replied Langston.

“Well, he will probably be given cash or bond. You can do a $2 million bond for $200,000.00, but even if there is no trial, the bondsman will keep it for his fee. You’ll never see it again, no matter what.”

Well, fuck, thought Langston.

“Let me make some calls and see what I can put together quietly. I’ll call you back. His attorney is Roy White. Is he someone we can work with?”

“I don’t know him, but I checked up on him already. He’s a small town criminal attorney. Pleads out almost all of his cases. He hasn’t been in front of a jury this year. One thing about criminal attorneys, they are all a little bit criminal themselves. I’m sure we can get him to work with us.”

“What about the Judge? Can we get to him?”

“Judge White is up for reelection and this case is making state headlines, maybe national. We’ll have limited influence unless we give him something big.”

“OK, well Jack, play through the angles. I’ll call you back soon once I figure out how to put together some money.”

“Jon, we’ve got this. It’s all just details,” replied Thornton.

“We better” replied Langston, disconnecting.

Jon started the Mercedes and began the drive back to Langston Farms. He drove without thought through the beautiful hills and painted fall trees. His mind was processing how to put together the money he needed. When he arrived, he didn’t respond to Mary’s greeting and retreated to his office, closing the door behind him.

 


Principles of Abundance: Habits

This is the second in a series on The Principles of Abundance. You can read the first installment here.

Almost everyone has a religion, whether they are a person of faith or not. A person’s religion might be sports or karma or fitness or money or family or love, but almost everyone has a religion. Some people have several simultaneously.

You can tell a person’s true religious belief not by listening to what they SAY they believe in, but by their habits. Habits are the rituals of a person’s religious belief.

When I was in the Christian church, I would often hear individuals talk about others not being “true” Christians because they were divorced or they smoked or drank or didn’t attend services often enough. In their minds, a True Christian (TM) would act a certain way in their everyday life.

And, to an extent, they were right. At least when it came to their own belief system.

Every Belief System Has It’s Own Rituals

Show me your habits and I will tell you your religion.

Some people go to the gym. Some people worship at the altar of fitness or, in more extreme cases, bodybuilding. You can tell the difference simply by their habits – their “religious rituals” – performed each day and week.

Early in 2017, still trying to find the root of confidence in my own life, reading various life philosophies to find some or one I could integrate, I stumbled about a new way of thinking about religion and rituals.

Rituals Focus and Reinforce Our Belief System

When I stopped believing in anything supernatural, I also gave up all the Christian rituals I previously performed daily and weekly. I no longer prayed, fasted, read and memorized the Bible. I no longer spent time trying to find God’s will for my life.

After all, while I had found those things beneficial in the past, they were obviously just impressions in my own mind. They had no “real” impact on the world around me. At least, that was what I thought.

While reading about various life philosophies I came about a new idea. One not rooted in the supernatural, but in the mind.

Historically we have numerous examples of people who have accomplished great things despite personal adversity or huge obstacles. Hitler, Alexander the Great, Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr. and Bill Gates were/are all just men. They have the same basic human abilities we all have. Yet, in spite of being just ordinary, they were able to accomplish extraordinary feats – for good or for evil.

They didn’t succeed at their passion because they won the lottery of life. They succeeded because of one simple yet incredibly powerful trait: The power of their own will.

In my own life, though not in any way on the level of a world changer, I have seen the power of my own will accomplish seeming impossible, even foolhardy, goals.

Several years ago I was the worship leader for a new church plant in southeastern Kentucky. Our first Sunday we had 12 people in attendance. Over the next few years that had grown to a small congregation of around 80.

I had attended a worship conference at a large (10,000 member) church in Atlanta. Over the next week, in my prayer time, a stray thought crossed my mind. I began to think God was calling us, me, to host a worship conference in our tiny church.

To give you perspective, small churches in rural Kentucky don’t host what I was envisioning. Most of the kind of conferences of this type were hosted by “mega-churches” numbering in the thousands of members. Typically in a big city. The idea of our little church in the middle of nowhere Appalachia hosting a worship conference was almost laughable. Certainly attempting to do so would end with few in attendance.

Over the next few weeks, as I “sought God’s will” in the matter through prayer, I became more and more convinced God was calling me to move ahead and hold a worship conference. That confidence caused me to start taking bold action.

I contacted the church in Atlanta that had hosted the conference. I asked their worship director if he would be willing to come up to Kentucky and host a conference for us. He said he would get back to me. A month later he was still undecided.

I continued to pray and became more and more certain God was “calling” me to set up a worship conference in my little town. Undeterred by the indecision of that worship leader, I reached out to an international music publishing company and asked if they would like to co-host a conference with us.

To my surprise, they said yes. They advertised the conference via a number of channels, put together speakers and flew one of their worship bands to provide the music. Once the day came we had over 250 people from as far away as Korea come to Appalachia to participate.

While at the time I believed this was all put together due to “supernatural intervention” the reality is nothing supernatural happened. Instead, all that happened was I willed it into being because I believed God was behind it. In my belief system at the time, when God is behind something he would make it happen. The ritual of prayer so focused my will I persevered despite the odds and obstacles and made it happen.

Rituals Don’t Have to Be Supernatural

The key element in what I learned early in 2017 was this: The rituals I participated in as a Christian focused my will and rituals (habits) can still be used to focus my will today.

The regular practice of rituals focuses our will to create a desired outcome.

Like many of you, I have been paying some attention to the news the last several years about Scientology. I guess my interest began when Tom Cruise fired his long-time publicist and then went on Oprah to denounce psychology and jump on her couch.

Any rational person I know who has looked into Scientology even a bit thinks it is foolish. A belief that ancient volcanic activity produced a race of invisible beings who inhabit our physical body and must be properly exercised in order for us to live a billion years.

For a long time it puzzled me how people who have succeeded in many areas of their lives at a high level could believe such foolish things. They were intelligent people. Successful. They must have some grasp on reality or they couldn’t have gotten where they are in life.

Now I wonder: Is Scientology important to these people not because they believed all of the talk of Thetans and the power of the e-meter, or is it important to them because the rituals focus their will, their intent, whether they believe it or not?

Growing up in the US where the vast majority of people identify as Christian, I see this all the time. The majority of Christians here pick and choose the rituals they find meaningful, helpful to them. Some don’t even believe in a god of any kind, but choose to follow the moral principles of the Bible. Others view the Bible literally and take all of the rites and requirements there as sacred obligations and joy.

Formal religion is a product and we choose what works for us.

The Mind and the Placebo Effect

For the last few decades, medical doctors have know placebos can be just as effective for some “self-observed” physical ailments. Prescribing a placebo for pain, for example, can lessen the perceived pain for the patient without actually doing anything for them physically.

The reason most researched believed this effect happened was because the patient “believed” the treatment would work.

Dr. Ted J. Kaptchuk has been studying the placebo effect for decades at Harvard. In recent studies he began to ask: “Would the placebo effect still occur if the patient KNEW they were receiving a placebo?”

Surprisingly, the answer is yes.

Your mind and its workings are complex. We do know, however, that adopting rituals – even without a belief in anything supernatural – can have a powerful effect. Rituals can focus and then refocus our mind, our will, and create the reality we choose.

Reality is Created in Our Minds

None of us really can know objective reality. Let that sink in for a minute. Everything we experience is experienced by our minds. You could be the only “mind” in existence and be living in a Matrix-like simulation. You would have no way to know. Reality is whatever your mind believes it to be.

If you believe your parents loved and valued you, that is your reality and you will behave accordingly. If you believe they did not, you will also behave accordingly. The objective reality of whether or not they actually loved you means nothing, only your belief and reality.

Scott Adams, of Dilbert comic fame, has written a book about how we can program our brain to change our reality. In fact, his theory is someone is programming your brain right now – and it’s up to you to determine whether that will be you doing the programming or someone else.

How to Change Your Reality

Dr. David Burns is a pioneer in the psychological discipline of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). CBT is rooted in the belief that our emotions are first rooted in our thoughts. If we change the thoughts, the emotions change as well. His book Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy teaches individuals to do CBT on their own.

If someone is experiencing an emotion that is troubling to them, they can go through a process to evaluate and refine their thoughts. First, they identify the emotions they are feeling. Next, they identify the thoughts behind those feelings. Finally, they identify the actual truth of the situation.

Amazingly, identifying the irrational thoughts and countering them with truthful thoughts is surprisingly effective. If you are suffering from depression, anxiety or just about any negative thought pattern, I would suggest you give it a try.

But CBT can be effective not only in dealing with negative emotions, it can also be used to create positive emotions you need to change your reality.

The Chalice of Abundance

When I visualize Abundance’ role in my life, I picture my life as a chalice. The chalice is always full of The Wine of Abundance. Always, to the brim. Abundance fills everyone’s chalice completely, every day, all the time.

But here’s the thing: Everyone’s chalice is a different size. Someone with a small chalice has little room to be filled with Abundance. Someone with a large chalice, has more room to contain The Wine of Abundance.

The size of anyone’s chalice is based on their own beliefs and desires. Their will. My goal each day is to increase the size, the volume, of my chalice so I can hold more.

How to Increase the Size of Your Chalice

Several activities will increase the size of your chalice. Here are some I have identified work for me, your mileage may vary. You also may find new ones not mentioned here, feel free to let me know about these in the comments.

Remove Limiting Thoughts

When I finally gave up Christianity I had a limiting belief. Even though I “knew” objectively I had accomplished in my life the things I had accomplished, I somehow believed I could only accomplish challenging things because of my faith in God.

The objective truth wasn’t truth for me. I believed something else, even in the face of that truth.

How do you remove limiting thoughts? You counter them with truth. CBT. In my case I have a ritual I practice every morning where I go through a series of index cards, reading them aloud but often under my breath, to remind me of truths I need to counter my own limiting thoughts.

Focus Your Will

Several years ago I started this blog with the intent of learning how to write fiction. I was making my living as a nonfiction writer, doing well at it, but I wanted to create fiction. Initially, my writing was poor. “Sucking is the first step to succeeding” I’ve heard.

My fiction was written in “fits and starts.” I might write a chapter, or a story, then write nothing for months. My “skills” saw little improvement for years.

Two things changed that, and they both had to do with focusing my will.

First, I connected with my friend Meg and we decided to write something together. A silly story, one chapter at a time, alternating weekly and posted to our respective blogs. Over three months I learned much more about how to write dialog, picture a scene, tell a story in a longer form. It wasn’t great. It was possibly mediocre, but it was better.

The focus produced by the partnership meant I was “obligated” to get better.

The second was NaNoWriMo last November. It “forced” me to write every day and do so with a deadline. I now have an almost complete draft of 76,000 words. It is far better than any fiction I had written previously.

Focusing my will, even by these self-imposed obligations, increased the size of my chalice.

There are other ways you can focus your will on a daily basis. I’ll cover those in my next installment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Principles of Abundance

This is the first in a series I will be writing to record my thoughts and experiences searching for greater levels of Abundance in my own life. You may find these helpful to you as well.

Before I dive in, let me make one thing clear: This is not based on something supernatural. It is not “The Law of Attraction.” It is not based on vibrations or various gods and goddesses intervening. It is actually based on some solid science about how our brains function.

For a long time I was a Christian (you’ll hear more about that later) and believed in two worlds, natural and supernatural. I became an atheist and no longer believe anything exists outside the “natural” world. Physics always trumps faith.

Having said this, recognize the Principles of Abundance I will begin to flesh out here and in future posts will be applicable to people with or without faith or religion. In fact, if you are a person of faith they may be a bit easier to apply than a person without faith.

What is Abundance?

Paul J. Meyer was a pioneer in what was to become the personal development industry. In 1960, Meyer started a business named “Success Motivation International” or SMI designed to teach business people how to find greater levels of happiness and fulfillment in their lives through goal setting and time management.

One of the key elements of his technique was to separate our lives into six parts and evaluate where we are in each. I first started reading his materials in college and quickly adopted those six areas in my own personal evaluations. Here are the six areas:

  1. Spiritual
  2. Mental
  3. Physical
  4. Familial
  5. Social
  6. Financial

For a number of years after college I asked myself on a regular basis “what does ‘success’ look like in each of these areas?” Finally, about 10 years ago, I surveyed just over 10,000 people and got their responses to that question. Here are the results:

  1. Spiritual – Living in tune with deeply held values and beliefs.
  2. Mental – Having a mind that is sharp, peaceful and optimistic.
  3. Physical – Having a body that is fit, healthy, strong and attractive.
  4. Familial – Having a family that is happy and healthy.
  5. Social – Having a wealth of personal relationships where you are giving and receiving love, help and encouragement.
  6. Financial – Having more than enough for today and the future.

You don’t have to adopt these particular definitions, find ones that work for you. The point is, however, to understand what Abundance would look like in your life. For me and thousands of others, these definitions work pretty well. Your mileage may vary.

Beginning to Understand Principles of Abundance

When I was 12, at a church retreat, I became a Christian. At 16 I began practicing a daily ritual many Christians engage in called a “daily quiet time.” It was a time set aside each day for prayer, scripture reading and meditation.

As I grew in my faith, I added other rituals like fasting, scripture memorization.

At 17 I enrolled in a Christian college where I determined to spend my life helping other people find happiness in their lives. Particularly, at least for the next several years, I planned to do that through teaching and counseling Christian principles. I moved to rural Appalachia to help some of the most physically and spiritually impoverished people in the US.

I had big goals. I wanted to transform people’s lives by providing inspiration, well-paid employment and individual counseling. I began leading worship and helped start or restart several churches throughout eastern Kentucky.

By this time my prayers and other rituals were more about me seeking the will of God. Once I was convinced I was in God’s will in a certain area – like planting a church or growing a business to provide employment – I had incredible boldness and confidence. I truly believed if I did what God was calling me to do, I would succeed no matter how big the goal or how oppressive the obstacles may be.

My supernatural belief in the power of God gave me force of will to succeed. It worked, I was able to do many things I would never have dared attempt without God’s help.

Through a long series of events over a number of years, I decided to give up my faith in the supernatural. It was painful, discouraging and created a number of personal crises.

It was a necessary step to take me to where I am today, but it left me with an ongoing lack of confidence. In my mind I understood anything I had accomplished was done by force of my own will, not the will of any god or supernatural force, but mustering up confidence without belief was difficult. Knowing something in my head didn’t necessarily mean it was in my “heart.”

Regaining Confidence to Pursue Abundance

For several years I tried to rediscover the confidence I had once known. Confidence allowing me to build a successful business, raise happy and healthy sons, care for my ill wife. It worked to some extent, but still I struggled. I found it hard to embrace and believe in the grandiose ideas and goals I had once trusted God to materialize.

Over the next few years I was able to regain some confidence, but life seemed to have less purpose. My sons grew up, moved out and started families of their own. My wife and I parted ways. All of my life I had done things for God, my family and others, and now all I had was me, and on some level I wasn’t very motivated to pursue lofty goals for just myself.

Lack of motivation led to some problems. My business began to fail. I had to lay off workers. Money, which used to be abundant, was becoming scarce. I fell victim to my own unfulfilled desires and overindulged in many things, often on a daily basis.

By mid-2016 I knew I had to make some changes. I needed to get routine, significant income. I needed to find my own center. I needed to figure out what was holding me back from the mental joy and peace I desired.

By January 2017, I began to understand I needed to cohesive philosophy to pull together the various pieces of my life. I began reading various views, many of them ancient, about how to live life to produce happiness and abundance.

By May, I had found a puzzle piece that completely changed my life and my journey. More on that in the next installment.


Voyeur IV

Warning: This is an erotic story and not for anyone under 18 nor those with a heart condition. You can see the chapter index here.

The pattern of Watcher’s seduction continued every few nights. Pam found herself longing for his 10pm texts. She wondered if on the nights he didn’t text if he were pleasuring, “watching,” some other woman. It made her jealous.

Watcher would tease her for an hour or more and Pam would pleadingly text “please let me come.” Often, when she did, he would tease her longer, not allowing her release until he chose the time and method.

Then after two weeks, the texts stopped. For ten days she heard nothing from Watcher.

“What’s wrong with you?” Emily asked across the table at Barney’s.

“Nothing…” lied Pam. Watcher made her feel young. Sexy. Desirable. The whole part of her she had put away when she got pregnant and married at 18, she now was experiencing with him.
“You’ve been so happy lately. Heck, it seems like Shae’s promotion didn’t even phase you. Now, tonight, you seem pretty down. Actually, you’ve seemed down for the last few days.” Emily was perceptive about her friend.

Pam didn’t know what to say, and couldn’t tell her about Watcher, but her emotions were close to the surface. “It’s just…well…I met someone and we’ve been texting and now he’s…disappeared.”

“I’m so happy to hear you’re trying to date! He’s probably just busy. You’re a catch, he’s not going to find anyone like you. Who is he? How did you meet? Dish, girl, dish.”

“We aren’t dating…we’re mostly, well, just texting.” Pam was trying to figure out what she could say and still appear she wasn’t being reckless with some ax murderer.

“‘Texting’, huh? You mean you’ve been sexting with some guy? That’s kinda hot.” Emily didn’t miss a beat.

“Well..I guess the texts are a bit sexual.” Pam wanted to change the subject before she got in any deeper. She looked down at the menu. “Do you want to order one entree and split it?”

That night she went to bed early, trying to put her mind at rest and stop thinking about Watcher. At precisely 10pm, her phone alerted.

“I want to see you.”

“Where have you been?” Pam typed. Thinking how out of control she was being. Watcher was obviously manipulating her.

“I want to see you.” Watcher repeated.

Pam was frustrated and angry, there was no way she was going to meet a man she had never spoken to, she didn’t even know his name. She did something she had never dared before. She clicked “Call” on his number.

The phone went to voicemail.

“I don’t want to talk to you, I want to see you.” Watcher replied.

“I am NOT going to meet you.” Pam was defiant.

“I don’t want to meet you, I want to see you.” Watcher clarified. “Go to the balcony.”

Pam’s house was in a lightly wooded area with a few more homes, all spaced a hundred yards apart or so, with the small patches of woods between. Outside her bedroom door a balcony overlooked her living room with a vaulted ceiling. The opposite wall was windows, looking out to a small wooded area with a neighboring house behind. The lower windows had blinds, but the upper windows were unshielded.

For the first time Pam realized any time she was on the balcony, like when she walked from her shower naked to her bedroom, anyone in the woods below could see her.

Had Watcher been there, seeing her? The thought both terrified and excited her.

“NO!” Pam texted back, realizing just how vulnerable she was.

Pam waited anxiously for Watcher to reply. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to tell him off or experience the pleasures again. She stayed up until midnight.

There was no reply.


Voyeur III

Warning: This is an erotic story and not for anyone under 18 nor those with a heart condition. You can see the chapter index here.

The next day, Pam was filled with diametric emotions. The idea of a stranger watching her, lusting after her made want to hide, but it also made her feel sexy. She dressed more conservatively, but paid close attention to the men around her and how they looked at her.

She wondered if she would ever hear from “Watcher” again. Part of her hoped she would.

After work she met her girl Tiffany at the gym to work out, getting home by 7pm. She climbed into bed to read by 8, and was sound asleep when a text buzzed at 10.

“What are you dreaming about tonight?”

Pam knew she shouldn’t reply. He is probably a crazy stalker. The drowsiness combined with her curiosity overwhelmed her caution.

“Why are you texting me?”

“To teach your hands what my hands would do if I were there.”

Pam didn’t know how to respond. The overt sexuality in Watcher’s reply made her tingle despite the warnings in her logical mind.

“What makes you think I want your hands?”

“You didn’t block me.”

The truth stung. She didn’t block him. She replied. She wanted to see how this would play out. She wanted to be lusted after. She had already imagined him, faceless, moving over her body, thrusting himself inside her. Feeling his touch on her breasts, his lips and tongue on hers.

“I still could.”

“After tonight, you won’t.”

“You must promise me to do what I say and do only what I say,” Watcher continued.

“I make no promises.” Pam attempted to sound resilient.

He started simply, leading her to remove her clothes. She followed, almost. In a last stab at restraint, she kept her panties on. She immediately covered herself with her duvet, feeling exposed to his gaze yet he was only a text.

Move your hands over your body, the way I would touch you, tease you.

I am lying naked next to you on the bed, propped up on my elbow. With my free hand I caress your face, tracing its lines with my fingers…

Pam began touching her face, imagining Watcher next to her.

It’s gentle, intimate the way I touch you. My hand moves over your face and as it does, my thumb parts your lips. I move my hand beneath your neck, bending toward you I pull your mouth toward mine…

I kiss you. Gently at first, then more hungrily, more forcefully as my own passion rises…

Then I relent…it’s too fast, too soon…you need to simmer, to experience the sensation of tease and delay…I move back up to my elbow…

I take my finger and trace the lines of your neck, starting at your jawline and down to the sensitive place where neck meets shoulder…

Pam traced the same lines with her finger, enjoying the sensation while imagining Watcher. She longed for real touch.

I move down from your neck, tracing a line between your breasts, then around them. You feel the brush of my palm against the sides of your breasts…

Pam imitated the movement. She had never touched herself this way before, it was wonderful. The idea of the gentle strokes so close to her breasts yet not actually touching them created a building passion.

I move my hand down to your stomach, flattening my palm against you. I enjoy the feminine softness of you. My hand caresses your skin and I move my palm over your entire torso, not just a finger this time…

I move back up your body and use my palm to cup each of your breasts, gently massaging while avoiding your nipples…

Pam could feel her heart beating faster and was about to ignore his advice and begin teasing your own nipples when Watcher commanded:

Do only as I say…touch only what I would touch…

Pam suddenly felt exposed again. It was as if Watcher could know her thoughts even as she thought them.

I now move my hand once again to your stomach, enjoying the softness of your skin, but then I move lower…

I move my hand closer to your mound, but my fingers stop when I reach it. I move aside and trace the sensual crease where your leg meets your hip…

Moving lower, I place my hand on your thigh and pull your legs slightly apart…

Pam spread her legs slightly, touching her thighs and imagining the feeling of his hand on her.

As I knead and caress your inner thigh, you feel the warmth of my hand close to your growing hunger. I lightly brush against it…

I now slide my other arm beneath your neck, curling it around so I can touch your breast while I continue to stroke your thighs…

My hand fondles your breast, brushing lightly over your nipple…

She felt her nipple harden as she imitated his hand. Her other hand still was between her legs against her thigh. He legs pulled together involuntarily as she longed for release. Still, she obeyed Watcher.

My thumb and index finger now find your nipple and I tease it more intensely, still kneading your breast with my other fingers and palm…

I move my other hand now onto your swelling mound, cupping it but not moving my fingers…

Pam did as directed, despite wanting to find release. Watcher had her mesmerized and she didn’t want to miss out on the pleasures he promised. She slid her hand under her panties and could feel the wet heat beneath her unmoving fingers.

I move my mouth to your other breast, my tongue finding your already hardened nipple…I tease it with my tongue, giving you tempting idea of how I would use my tongue to tease you elsewhere…

Damn, this is hot thought Pam, imaging Watcher’s tongue dancing on her nipple.

Without moving my hand, I slide on finger into you…stroking the ceiling of your vagina slowly…my palm still motionless on your clitoris…

Pam slid a finger into herself, enjoying the sensation as she moved it slowly in and out. She wanted to stroke higher and faster, yet still she obeyed, leaving her own palm firmly fixed.

I lift my hand, my finger still inside you, putting more pressure as I trace a line from deep inside you, out and almost to your clit, then back inside to repeat…

The sensation was amazing. Pam thought she might cum just from touching herself this way.

I begin to move my finger a little higher with each stroke, pressing hard inside then barely brushing your clit as I move over it…

Each stroke becomes a little faster, my tongue darting on one breast while my other hand caresses and strokes the other…

Finally I allow my finger to begin moving more firmly against your clit with each stroke…

With a final stroke, I rest the tip of my finger against your clit and trace circles around and over it…

Pam imitated the movement, she could feel herself rising to climax.

Ending in a wonderful vibrato as I allow you release…

She was no longer able to read the text. Her eyes were closed, her hand moving swiftly and lightly as she felt the waves of pleasure begin. When she finally came, she was paralyzed for minutes after. She finally opened her eyes to see how Watcher had finished his texts.

Sleep well, Watcher.

Suddenly, the waves of passion behind her, Pam was scared. What was she doing? Who is this man – if he even was a man? She curled up under her duvet and wanted to never hear from Watcher again yet wished for the pleasures he provided.


Voyeur II

Warning: This is an erotic story and not for anyone under 18 nor those with a heart condition. You can see the chapter index here.

When she woke the next morning, Pam checked her phone once more to assure it was truly a wrong number. No new texts. She felt relief.

She dreaded going into work today. She knew she was a hot topic of conversation, and she wondered how people would view her situation. Would they see Shae as the conniving bitch or would they just assume “Reliable Pam” just wasn’t suited for the job?

She stood in front of her full length mirror after getting out of the shower, giving herself a pep talk.

“You look good. The 23 pounds you’ve lost have given you back your figure. Your breasts are firm. Two grown kids and you still look good.” She wanted to look young, desireable, to turn men’s heads again as she had when she was younger.

“Hell, I’m going to turn some heads today.”
She pulled out a pair of pants she had never worn. She was a size 10 now, but she had bought these in a fit of optimism and they were a size 8. They were snug and made her butt look good. She put on her push-up bra, the pretty one she had spent too much money on and rarely wore. She pulled on a sleeveless top she had worn a few times before, but always with a sweater and scarf. It was too low cut.

From the back of her closet she pulled out her black heels, normally reserved for holiday parties.

Once she fixed her hair and makeup, she apprised herself once more in the mirror. “Damn, I look good. Fuck the haters,” she said to the reflection.

As she walked from her car to the office, she saw two delivery men unloading paper supplies by the door. She managed to sway her hips a bit as she walked by and could see them watching her pass in the reflection of the glass door.

She smiled to herself.

All day she noticed the reactions of the men. More than one of her male coworkers looked at her cleavage before catching themselves and looking her in the eye. She still had it.

Work was still hard, the wondering what people were thinking, saying behind her back, but today she showed them. She was more than “Reliable Pam,” she was a sexy, smart, accomplished, young woman.

She was still feeling the sexual buzz from the day as she readied herself for bed. Just as she turned off the light, her phone buzzed a text.

“You looked sexy today.” It was the same number as the night before.

Pam was paralyzed. It wasn’t a wrong number. Was someone stalking her? As she tried to figure out a reply, another text: “I enjoyed watching you.”

Is this Em trying to boost my confidence? Is this someone else from work? One of the men? It was frightening and yet a little bit exciting.

“Who is this? You need to stop!”

“You wanted to be watched and wanted today. I watched you. I want you.”

“Emily, is this you? This isn’t funny.”

She called Emily.

“It’s late for you to be calling, what’s up?” Pam had the habit of being asleep by 9pm most nights. Emily sounded concerned.

“Have you been texting me?” Pam tried to sound calm.

“No, why, did you get a text from my number? I haven’t texted you since this morning. Maybe someone hacked my phone!” Emily had no understanding of technology and lived in a perpetual fear of being “hacked.”

“No, it’s not that…” Pam wasn’t sure she wanted to tell Emily what was going on. “It’s nothing, I just got a text from an unknown number and I thought it might have been you. Probably a wrong number. See you tomorrow.”

Pam disconnected.

“You can call me Watcher.” The text lit up in her hand.

“Watcher? Really? That’s the best you can do?” Pam still thought this must be a joke. She wasn’t going to show fear only to find it was some co-worker messing with her.

“It seems we’re both watchers. You have observed from a distance your whole life, now it is your turn to be observed, seen, appreciated, lusted after.”

“Who is this?” Pam wasn’t sure she wanted to know.

“I’ve told you.”

“I’m going to block you.”

“You can, but then you’ll never experience the pleasures I will lead you through.”

“I’m not responding. Goodbye. Don’t contact me again.”


Voyeur I

Warning: This is an erotic story and not for anyone under 18 nor those with a heart condition. You can see the chapter index here.

Pam Hardisty was at the end of a difficult day. When her friend Emily asked if she wanted to go out for dinner, she readily accepted. She pulled into the lot of Barney’s at 6:15 and struggled to find a parking space. She finally spied one at the far end of the lot and pulled in her Camry.

Emily was already at a table in the bar when Pam walked in.

“I need this tonight,” said Pam, sitting at the table.

“I’m sure you do,” replied Emily, “I can’t believe they gave Shae that promotion over you.”

Pam had been assistant comptroller for the last five years. At Earnest & Lowe for twelve. It was common knowledge she was promoted from “Tug” Lowe’s administrative assistant to assistant comptroller for her to “learn the ropes” and take over for him when he retired. While it wasn’t in stone, it was spoken of often. At least, in the first couple years.

Shae Reeder was brought on just two years out of college to be Tug’s new administrative assistant. She was competent enough, but she was young, and a bit flirty with the men. She enjoyed their attention. Her skirts we often too short, with high heels showing her young, fit legs.

It had been 10 years since Pam felt like she turned heads.

Pam had shown her how to do her job in her first months. She did well. She was smart, caught on quickly. Pam was willing to put up with Shae’s flirting as long as she did her job.

“I thought she was my friend, Em.”

Pam could see clearly now Shae’s plan stretched back years, maybe from the time she was hired. She excelled at everything Tug asked her to do. Then she became indispensable to Pam – helping her by often doing the heavy lifting when things became hectic. They both relied on her.

Pam would praise Shae to Tug, often commenting on how helpful and smart she was. She felt as if she were a mentor to the young girl.
All the while Shae was privately saying things to Tug about how overwhelming the job was for Pam, how she needed so much help.

Today, when Tug’s formal retirement was announced, along with his replacement, Shae got the job. Pam pretended to be happy as she willed back the tears.

Tug even reminded Pam of how much Shae would need her. “Shae will rely on you, just like I did, Pam. You guys will make a great team.”

“Reliable Pam,” that’s what people thought of her. Not smart, not pretty, not a leader, just “reliable.”

And Shae was young. Fifteen years younger than Pam.

“She is a snake,” replied Emily. Taking a sip of her wine.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Monday Shae would be her boss.

“What can I get you?” the waiter had popped up without Pam noticing.

“I think I’ll start out with a martini, extra dirty,” answered Pam.

“Like a Catholic school girl” mouthed Emily, it was their joke.

“Another glass of wine, ma’am?”

“Actually, yes,” Emily replied. This was a good night to get buzzed with a hurting friend.

As Emily and Pam talked, they noticed a young couple, probably in their 20’s, at a booth in the corner. They sat close to each other, making out as if no one else were in the bar.

“That looks like fun,” remarked Emily, nodding to the couple.

“God, I haven’t been kissed like that in years,” said Pam, remembering her youth and feeling a longing she had dismissed. “I don’t miss being married, and I don’t want a relationship, but I could go for a good ‘workout’.”

When their waiter brought their meal, they were both buzzed. Pam took time to apprise him with her eyes, taking in his large arms, muscular build, strong jawline. When he walked away she didn’t mind staring at his round, firm butt.

“I could use some of that,” she remarked, only loud enough to for Emily to hear.

“You know, the first step is probably going on some dates, Pam.”

“Like I said, no relationship, Em. That’s where things get messy. I’m not good at relationships. I just want a roll in the hay on occasion.”

“How long has it been?” asked Emily. “It’s been over a year for me. I could use it.”

“Well,” Pam did the math out loud. “Two years since the divorce and then we didn’t actually have sex for the last five, so seven years or so.”

“Sista, that’s too long. We need to take a trip and go make out with some boys.”

It was almost 10pm by the time Pam walked Emily to her minivan and then made the long walk to her own car. As she sat down in the seat, she thought about the waiter, making a mental note to think about him again, later.

She placed her key in the ignition, then something caught her eye. In this deserted end of the parking lot she noticed an SUV. She could see somewhat clearly inside. The young couple from the bar were in the back, she could see the woman moving rhythmically up and down, while his hands hungrily fondled her breasts and flowed over her body.

Pam was transfixed.

Between the martinis, the talk, the waiter and the couple, her libido was in overdrive. Watching them, she began to rub herself through the thin fabric of her pants. As their thrusts became more intense, she undid her pants and slipped her fingers beneath her panties. She imagined being the woman, riding the waiter, feeling him hard inside her while his hands, lips and tongue worked over her body and breasts.

She moved her hand faster as they did, matching their movements.

When she came, she writhed involuntarily, crying out in pleasure. Once her pulsing had died down and she was able to move again, she hurriedly collected herself, wondering if the couple had heard her. It was the best orgasm in years.

When she got home, she dropped her things in the entryway and stripped before heading up to the bedroom. Just as she was plugging in her phone on the nightstand a text alerted.

“I saw you.” was all it said.

A shot of anxiety cleared any liquor blur Pam was feeling. Saw me? Someone was in the parking lot watching me? Oh, hell. She checked the number. (865) 555-9384. Not in her contacts and she didn’t recognize it.

Must be a wrong number and a weird coincidence, Pam consoled herself.

“You must have the wrong number,” typed Pam.

After five minutes with no reply, she assured herself it was most definitely a wrong number. She thought about the waiter and the couple once more before drifting off to sleep.