Exhaust(ed) Vent


This is me.

OK, not really. It would be me:

  • If it were daytime.
  • It it were summer.
  • If I were actually done working.

Instead my marathon week continues.

In real life (yes, I have one) I own a small digital publishing company. We help people create books and “value added products” they can sell along with said books.

Some of the books are actually good – one of our writers hit the NYT Best Seller List back in November. Got to number 3. Not too shabby.

Our team does things like building websites, producing videos, writing advertising copy, schmoozing the rich and infamous. They’re a good team. We enjoy one another. Nice people. Joe is a little gassy, but we hold our noses because he brings the best food to Potluck Fridays. Come to think of it, the two may be related.

Today we launch a book. Good book. Written by a wonderful woman who is right now the bane of my and my team’s existence.

Built her website to her specs back in ’13. Yup. Every month since she’s been going to get us the content, going to get her book out, going to cover everything.

First week of January she tells me “got a firm date – we’re launching January 21.” She asked me again for a list of all the things she had to get to us – things like press kits, digital photos, content for her website pages. “No problem.”

Why do I always believe them?

Timeline is set. Deadlines for content pieces. They come. They go. We get her site – sans much of the content – “finalized” last Friday. She can’t walk through it with until Saturday. That was OK, I wasn’t seeing Waco last weekend. She said she would want some tweaks.

But she didn’t want tweaks. She wanted to tear down and rebuild the Hoover Dam. Damn.

I kindly explained to her in a Steven Hawking like fashion how time works. She stared at me blankly. “It’s just a couple things” she said. We negotiated what was actually possible for humans – even super-humans like us – to accomplish.

We whittled her list of 1,674,238 items down to a little less than 300. Yeah, I know. Late Sunday night (my time) the Indians dug in. Monday us US peeps joined the fight.

We did well. After a Monday of diligence and another night by our brown-skinned Asian neighbors, by Tuesday morning it was done. FINAL final walk through.

It was a 2 hour marathon call of “the sweetest little voice” demanding the most unreasonable things. She has the uncanny ability to convince you she’s just asking for a little more sugar in her tea.

Again, we compromised. Some of her recommendations had merit. But we still lacked content. We still needed a ton from her. She was working on it, “have it to you by noon.”

We went about the new list. Moral was flagging. I circulated (again) the picture of me dancing in my underwear at last year’s Christmas party to cheer them up. We rallied like Iwo Jima.

Now it is 6am Thursday. The book drops in a few hours. I have had a grand total of 90 minutes sleep since 8am yesterday and only 5 hours the night before. I’m beat. We’ve made it, just need to “turn the key,” but I am spent.

I am looking forward to a warm bed, a warmer Waco and a deep sleep tonight.

Vent over.

Update, 7am:

While trying to complete a simple task, the Indians destroyed the site.

Update, 8:27am:

Client calls to make sure the book sales pages are ready to go! Fortunately, we had already fixed those.

Update, 8:42am:

Client calls to tell me the video she gave us yesterday wasn’t exactly what she wanted, but in an act of God’s mercy she already had a replacement at YouTube.

Update, 10:00am:

Indians are finding more problems they created on the site. YAY!

Update, 10:51am:

Book is number 3 on Amazon. Can someone say BOOM?



47 Comments on “Exhaust(ed) Vent”

  1. Sabiscuit says:

    No… Really? I stopped at the number of items on her list and had a long, hysterical, horror movie laugh because (whispers) I think I know her. No, she’s not me. I meant she’s in my office. I am so glad you made it. Wow.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You are totes adorbs! Really! I’m afraid I can only help with a potluck suggestion: casseroles with all that cheese and lactose intolerance as we age, not a good combo. Hope you’re already sleeping…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This job of yours sounds like it would be super fun most of the time, so I don’t feel that sorry for you. Ugh, why do you bring out the snark in me, I’m usually a very nice and sympathetic person.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Wow, that sounds intense. But you did it! Rest in satisfaction of a job well done.

    Very cool that you own a digital publishing co. I have a couple of friends who publish with mixed success. And lately I’ve had thoughts of turning the reflective dribbles I write into something bigger… Maybe we can talk sometime.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. olganm says:

    I self-publish, so I only argue with myself… Well, and Amazon, Facebook, Twitter, wordpress, Kobo, Apple, Goodreads… Good luck!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Craig says:

    Love it when clients expect the whole world in 5 minutes. Have to explain the concept of what is physically possible, some things couldn’t even be rendered in five minutes let alone made from scratch, but as always “it’s just a small change”. I feel your pain.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Oh Boy! It sounds like you have had quite the adventure with this one. I hope you are able to get everything fixed, completed and are done with this crazy Bitch really soon. Enjoy your rest and relaxation with Waco. I hope the two of you have an absolutely wonderful time. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  8. literally says:

    I’m exhausted and I need a drink. And all I did was READ about it……my job is really really easy…even when it’s hard….after reading all of this.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. marymtf says:

    Is that all, Kevin? Honestly, what a kerfuffle. I’ve been juggling an elderly mother and the care of four grandchildren for the past six weeks. Now it’s only two grandchildren. I’ll swap you one prima donna for mine. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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