HonestyPosted: October 13, 2015
This time, He broke up.
He had taken his time. Waited. Waited to figure out if She was going to be all-in. Waited to see if She would impose Her own curfew. 3 months.
Of course in waiting, judging, evaluating there is always a danger. Reading into action or inaction. Misinterpretation.
Miscalculations leading to pain. Pain leading to stagnation.
But He had decided. The pain needed to end. The lashing out needed to end. They needed to end.
He spent Saturday morning crafting and discarding emails. Looking for words. He wasn’t angry or hurt, He just wanted it to be over. To be as painless for both of them as possible.
His email to her was not eloquent. They both hurt each other, this needed to stop. He loved her, but neither needed the hurt.
He asked her to call. To talk. To put it to rest. She replied she couldn’t until evening. He, not being patient and wanting to just finalize, sent Her another, longer, more eloquent, more caring email. Loving her still, but believing They still must be done.
Later, she responded. By text. “I love you. I’m losing my boyfriend and the only one I want to comfort me is you. Come up.”
The words caught him off guard. He didn’t know She still loved. He didn’t know He was Her “boyfriend” – that was a level of relationship He assumed They left in May. What about the Others?
He drove to her Sunday. Confusion. Elation. Not having a plan.
Sunday, they talked. Openly. There were no Others in her life. But there was an issue. A reason She had seemed more distant. A reason She withheld words of care for him, A reason she had fought to not love him.
A reason she had never shared but loomed large in her mind.
Embarrassed and fearful of His reaction, She finally shared. If They were to go on, if She were going to be “all in”, if they were to move toward a life together, He had to make a change.
Surprisingly for both of them, He was not upset nor even surprised. He understood. It was a reason He had assumed had been there all along – even from one of their first texts. “Not everything is Porsches and rainbows, my life is messy right now.” He had known and been working to de-mess his life.
He had not made much progress. It scared her, rightfully so. A future meant something. She couldn’t tolerate a future of fear, of uncertainty.
He got that.
He would try. Willing to take new paths – or at least consider them. Willing to put His life together for Himself but open to Her gaze. She needed movement. That’s all She asked, to see.
He could provide. He already had to fix the problems in His life, and letting Her see wasn’t an issue.
He asked for change from Her as well. He wasn’t sure how She would react. He thought She would refuse to try, say it was just the way She is. “Sorry ’bout cha.”
But She didn’t. She was open and affirming and caring. She wanted to go on, try, make this work if it was going to work.
She wanted Him in Her life. He wanted Her.
Aphrodite is cruel and fickle. She gives us love, but always with pain. Fear. “But what if..?”
That night, as they lay together entwined, She said “I wish this was enough.” He wished it too, but He also knew They could do this. He could fix; She could attend.
He left hopeful for “a better…“